Relationship advice that is as simple as powerful

If you are looking for relationship advice, you came to the place where you can find a lot of unexpected information about relationships, love, and sex.

Relationships are the most essential part of our life. We have relationships not just with people around us, but our jobs, society, and mostly ourselves. We jump into relationships with enthusiasm, sometimes giving all that we have emotionally and otherwise, forgetting for a while who we really are, but loving the idea of ourselves in regards the quality of our relationship. At that moment we rarely think that we might need relationship advice later on. Why most, even very solid relationships don’t feel fulfilling and harmonious? Why there is always some sort of conflict within relationships and us?

Battle of sexes

As soon as you grasp the idea that you are Spirit, you must understand that in Spiritual world there is no gender. We all have experienced both form of physical being to play with - the male (active) and female (receptive) sides of our nature - to bring them into balance. We don’t consciously and fully understand our Divine nature, that’s why, instead of uniting our own inner God and Goddess we are chasing them in the outer world.

A man, feeling lack of Divine Feminine, is looking for Goddess; a woman is trying to find God, Divine masculine, she thinks she has lost. So, all our relationships bring us to finding that balance through expression of feminine and masculine forms.

Man always desires to obtain Goddess, he chases her, pleases her, doing whatever woman wants him to do, as long as he is receiving attention, respect, sex…and as he thinks- love. I always wonder how a strong, successful man who knows how to take responsibilities and make decisions in his business and social life, becomes totally powerless in the hands of his partner. He lets her to take over him in every aspect of their relationships- money management, vacation planning, raising kids, their lifestyle, and sex routine. He trusts her blindly and unquestionably.

Here is a little life observation – every restaurant and hotel worker who often relies on receiving “extra” money in form of gratuitous knows that a man usually tips generously when he is alone, but the same person in presence of his life partner gives less , or nothing at all. Does it tell you anything? He has found Goddess and she rules his life now.

The same story with a woman… Feeling lacking, unbalanced in her masculine nature she is trying to obtain that power, confidence engaging into controlling, manipulative, and unreasonable behavior, or… she can give herself away to abusing relationships to feel loved and have that ”dream man” besides her.

By the way, in case of breaking down relationships, people usually blame a woman. It’s considered that a woman is “supposed” to bring love, passion, wisdom, healthy emotions into relationships, and to be a keeper of peace no matter what. Man is not allowed to show his sensual, feminine nature; and he’s usually ashamed of his feelings –he’s a provider of material comfort without any emotions involved.

So, from the beginning we are agreed on dysfunctional, co-dependant relationships; no matter what “love story” one has behind ones relationships – our love is based on conditions, unconscious agreements with each other – You will be a good husband, I will raise kids, run the house; I will work hard for us, you will give me sexual pleasure and have to support me in my tough days; we will take care of you and support financially you will love us, obey, and behave good. From the very beginning most relationships are created on the powerless position- to maintain a secure felling to be loved and worthy, and to survive in society.

DEPENDENT BEHAVIORS by David Wilcock

We have the greatest degree of control, in our present human form, over our conscious mind. Every experience that comes our way is a gift, and it is our choice to decide whether we will forgive and accept it or go into denial and ignore it, thereby guaranteeing it will continue to repeat itself.

The subconscious gravitates our conscious mind to other people who will trigger this Original Wound. We generally take one of two paths to try to control others’ behavior to hopefully get the love we instinctively feel we are not getting from God:

Co-dependent: We fixate on someone, and they are not like God in our mind — they become God. We want more and more of them, getting more and more attached. They pull away and we try even harder to latch on, by rescuing them from their own responsibilities, attacking them over whatever nit-picking issues we can find, and then playing victim/blame games when they still don’t act how we want.

Then we wonder why they betray us. Again we are left alone and our "heart is broken." The Original Wound sears — but we almost never see it for what it is.

Counter-dependent: Bitter and resentful in feeling God has abandoned us, often from too many runs through the sorrow of the co-dependent phase, we push away someone who we initially were madly in love with, and for a time had become God to us. They pull harder and harder for our time and love, and we push them away even more, punishing God — and our previous tormentors — for our pain.

Then they wonder why we betrayed them. Again we are left alone and our "heart is broken." The Original Wound sears — but we almost never see it for what it is.

Both of these personality problems are dysfunctional, and both are responses to abuse we have endured in our lives. The conscious mind, or "personality self," is that which suffers all this hardship. It does not see the greater reality that surrounds it.

The pain we feel is the pressure needed to break through the shell we have formed around our heart. Eventually we grow into being inter-dependent, where we can accept people into our lives without clinging to them OR pushing them away.

HEALING THESE PATTERNS

If you are codependent, you will be brought to your knees again and again until you learn to love yourself, rather than trying to compel someone else to love you, or making them feel obligated to continue if they’ve already started to.

Your life revolves around a hunger for companionship, and every decision you make will relate to this consuming need in some form. You have difficulty staying motivated to do anything unless you feel loved by the person you’ve grown attached to. You will heal faster if you learn to develop boundaries, stand up for yourself, and be comfortable in the silence of solitude. In your "Rescue" phase, manipulators can get you to do almost anything for them and you will never stand up for yourself and say no. You want everyone to be happy… everyone but you. Then you are crushed inside when you realize you’ve been used. Great progress can be made by learning to take care of yourself, even if it means leaving those who mistreat you.

If you are counter-dependent, you live in continuing stress, anger, fear and distrust of others. Everything pisses you off and you are addicted to complaining about it. You are compelled to seek thrills, distraction and sexual release, and may be an incredible workaholic.

You will heal faster if you learn to drop many of the massive boundaries you have created to protect yourself from everyone you meet, and particularly those closest to you. There is no end to the "proof" you can find that they are responsible for everything that is wrong.

Nonetheless, if you go deep enough, you see that it’s all a projection of your own issues with God. You rarely, if ever, admit to yourself that you are angry at God, so instead you lash out at all the people around you who remind you of your issues with God. Ultimately these issues are illusions, as you cannot be abandoned by That Which You Already Are.

You can learn to stop punishing others for the things you’ve been through. Great progress can be made as you let go of your sense of entitlement and expectation that others will serve you, and return to greater self-responsibility and greater openness and kindness to others, since they ARE your Self.

[Our thanks to Janae and Barry Weinhold for their seminal work, "Counter-Dependency: The Flight from Intimacy", an excellent treatise on this seldom-explored subject.]

Karmic relationships

Lifetime after lifetime we are brought into situation and to the people who will assist us to clear our karma- to balancing and healing our “dark side” , our masculine and feminine, healing bodies, emotion traumas. Karmic relationships can be very strong and painful. We can release our karma simply by forgiving ourselves and others, realizing who you are, expressing yourself and accepting the fact that everything is happening for experience itself and soul growth.

Fear and Love

In our world of forms we try so hard not to remember who we truly are; we put so much efforts and struggle into our lives – we create by means of mental power and control. We have forgotten that Universes, stars, elements, and human beings – everything is created with the spark of Love, through Love, by Love, for Love - this is love force/ sexual energy of creation. There is nothing else but Pure Love and Oneness – All that is. To find that truth we play the game of “un-love” here. We feel abandoned by God, punished for something, we feel unloved and we believe that we are unworthy and don’t deserve Love. As a result we don’t love ourselves.

That’s where all our problems begin…

Those patterns –“unworthy, unloved”, and many others that stored in our sub-conscious mind from past lives, our parents, school, public opinion, religious and social dogmas - people carry into their relationships where control and fear is driving force that brings people together.

Instead of looking inside of ourselves for the Power to create our world, we’re stealing, draining energy from each other; begging for love instead of giving our love; we demand rather then ask and accept – endless love, undivided attention, full commitment, endless respect- no wonder that we feel trapped and uneasy; relationships become strained.

Most relationships are based on fear - we’re so afraid to be alone and feel lonely, that we settle to someone who is willing to spare us little attention, or we try to meet social and cultural standards to have family, or at least to be in relationships, otherwise you may be judged. We keep staying in unfulfilling relationships for the same reason –fear, but we veil it, making reasonable excuses – “we have been together 10-20-30 years; kids need family; we have some shared assets/debts; my family never accept our separation; in my culture family is very important”. We often put others ahead of ourselves, saying, “Because I love her/him, I don’t want to hurt her/him”, but meaning, “I need to feel loved, secure”. Unfortunately, we rarely choose true love over being loved, receive love rather than give it. It seems that everyone is looking for a person who can make one happy.

…but, think…Do you want to take that huge responsibilities – to fulfill, satisfy, please somebody, to provide everything that one needs and desires? I’m not choosing to be lost into somebody else. Actually I’m here not to be lost but to find myself, to know myself. This is your job –to make yourself happy, to heal yourself- I’ll do my own. So, what do you prefer ownership or partnership?

How to achieve this? If you recognize you true Divine nature, you know- God within you; you love yourself as much as you love God and God loves you; and you accept everyone’s Divinity; then you don’t demand Love- you love yourself enough not to settle for less and you don’t give yourself away- you generously gift yourself to who can accept who you are.

Relationship advice

You are never able “to fix” relationships but you can “fix” yourself. The first thing is

- Consciously decide that you really take responsibilities for yourself and your relationships , that you are willing to create a new model of “new” relationships; if not – don’t look for any relationship advice- nothing will help, go back to your partner and “play” old game with all its drama – that what you love to do.

-Start to examine your feelings about your partner and yourself – How much love in your relationships? Is it more habit and much security? Is it joyful, passionate? You must feel it – not think it over.

-Be honest with yourself and ask questions. What are my fears? Am I afraid to be alone? Do I really want to spend the rest of my life with that person no matter what? Is our relationships controlling? Do I feel free to express myself in any way? Are we open to each other? Am I true to myself? Have I been true to our relationships? Do I compromise myself? Does our relationship have depth and fullness? What is my contribution to deepen our relationships? How much do I allow myself to love and be loved?

-After that you can make a choice to stay in relationships and do your best to bring love and your awareness into relationships regardless how your partner acts, or you may decide to move on for your highest good.

Piece of mind… If you are in relationships that are not satisfying but you try to keep them peaceful and don’t go deep into issues to avoid conflict and confrontation within relationships, you are denying yourself. There is a part of you that doesn’t love yourself and it will bring the conflict up to resolve your issues. Love that is within you is always searching the way to reveal itself, to open you to you. If you don’t recognize your truth about yourself, don’t face your fears, or whatever is behind, the conflict will arise sooner, or later.

Let’s say, you are aware and conscious about your relationships (otherwise you would not look for relationship advice but keep playing personal dramas blindly) and want to make your relationships work, then the best advice…

Open your heart to your partner, open your feelings, your deepest thoughts, let love flow into your relationships, don’t wait that your partner gives you his/her love back. Love unconditionally, accept, and forgive, no matter what the other person has done to you. You can not change anyone, but you can change yourself and you can inspire change in other, but only through healing yourself. Don’t be afraid to be intimate, vulnerable, to be hurt. Don’t take things too personally – the other is just living her/his life. Their behavior doesn’t meet you needs, expectations – that has nothing to do with you, so being ”hurt” by their actions is actually your “problem” and is not her/his fault. In close relationships we usually become very attentive, the other person becomes the center of our life, and the small events can bring up hidden hurts - we pay attention to everything what our partner has done, or not done- unwashed dishes, rude jokes, massy room, evening spent with his buddies in the bar, his/her bad habits…- everything can turn into big issues. Opening to love and seeing things through the eyes of your heart will bring freedom and joy in your relationships. Yes, your partner is unconscious about his/her “programming” and plays personal dramas, still learns lessons- but, you don’t – so, never ever withdraw love from your relationships. This is a hard work - you are fighting with your ego and fears, and you need to heal yourself- but you will loose nothing; you will get your Power back, your true Freedom – be what you are.

…or, you may find yourself in different situation…when you realize, you have to leave the person. Some people need to be left to live their experiences and lessons. If someone has inability to love, and allow fear and control rule their lives, they put limitations on you, too. They struggle to control their lives, others, situations; by this, they keep love away because of feeling of unworthiness. They are controlling you by not allowing your love. In these relationships, though you know that you love them, you feel like your expression is being limited, your love is not able to be received. You know you deserve more than they are giving, as they limit the love they give – they just don’t know how else to be. You can not settle for less. If there are people in your life who don’t recognize your magnificence, do not recognize theirs , refuse to love themselves, refuse your assistance, release them from your life- you are not abandoning them, you just leaving them to their experiences. It’s not time for them yet. This maybe terribly heartbreaking decision – you love them so much, you know how loving they really are, you see that beautiful spark of soul in their eyes they show to you from time to time. You may wait for them a little bit more, and more, and more…but there will come time to you to move on.

This is my opinion, you follow your knowing. Deep inside you know what is best to do. If you really honest with yourself, truly know how to love, you recognize your fears, you sure know what to do -you just know.

Life is such an unpredictable thing, nothing is written into the stone – we meet people, we leave people, situations; we make friends, we loose friends, jobs; we win, we fail, we rise up again- this is a beauty of life. If you believe in yourself and love yourself enough- you go with the flow of life without any worries; you trust your inner guide; you open to opportunities life gives to you in abundance, and you live with the joyful feeling that something good is about to happen yet.

So, what do we have? - Sub-conscious mind plays tricks, our “small “ personalities that don’t recognize our “grand ” Divinity, karmic bonds, unbalanced masculine and feminine aspects that always in conflict – What a mess! Maybe better not to engage into any relationships? Some people do exactly this – no relationships, no problems; by denying yourself you will not find your truth ever.

We need all of our experiences- family, friends, children, joy, fun; we need this affection, interaction, heartache, we like to flirt and play with our sexuality. That’s what means to be a human. Through relationships with people we experience more of ourselves. Every relationship enriches us.

Looking back at my life, I realize that I would not be what I’ m right now without all of those interactions with people I have met along the road. Every of my relationships romantic or otherwise, with pleasant memories or otherwise, brought to me some valuable knowledge, understanding of life and myself - they have made me.

What do I know? – I know that I don’t want relationships to be worked on…

To me, relationships must start with that wonderful “Yes” of lust and magnetic attraction, admiration in the eyes and “butterflies” in the stomach, and then …to open-hearted relationships, true intimacy where you don’t hide anything, allowing one to be vulnerable, and surprisingly, all of your fears vanished; in complete honesty, trust, consciousness and true communication, where you say your truth and listen to others in compassion and respect; you bring out the best in each other. You honor and respect each other as individuals, partners, true friends, lovers; you are both free and yet so much together. You accept each other as you are, not trying to change one bit of other; you share your experiences, thoughts, opinions without trying to make other to believe you.

Is it possible? – Yes -if you are brave enough to step over your fears to get hurt, to be humiliated to know your truth and to speak your truth, when you are willing to give love not expecting to get something in return; if you are mature enough to work… not on your relationships but on yourself; if you choose to live from your passion and creativity, with a highest level of awareness; if you recognize your differences and celebrate your sexualities without any guilt and shame. I believe that relationships are not responsibilities, habits, lessons but fun, adventure, creative force for growth, free expression of Divine Passion and Love.

Unfortunately, not too many people are ready for this new type of relationships. Most people make their relationships more important than knowing the Truth; they’d rather maintain each other feel loved and needed than connect to each other through hearts.

My the only relationship advice is …Choose which relationships you want to be in and play accordingly.